9 Chickweed Rage

028: I'll Just Serve You A Colossal Jong-Jong

July 18th, 2023

Inspired by the 4th of July (I guess), we go all the way back to the beginning and take a look at the very first Chickweed strips. Brooke Mac-El-Dee comes right out of the gate with Juliette talking with Edda about physical attractiveness and how that's very important to catch a man. Edda at this point is maybe 12, so this is a TOTALLY NORMAL AND APPROPRIATE conversation for a mother to have. But don't worry. Things get WAY MORE inappropriate pretty quickly. Isn't it comforting to know that this horrible comic strip was horrible in exactly the same ways from the beginning? Following up Juliette's lessons in female attractiveness, pre-teenage Edda already expresses what can only be described as Championship Level Body Dysmorphia. Classic Mac-El-Dee! There's a whole Sunday strip about a fly. Twelve-year-old Amos, who looks either drowned or electrocuted or both, spends an entire strip sniffing Edda...at her request of course. Sophia Loren's "bosom" is described as "proud." Edda shames her mother for not getting boned on a date. Then later the two of them celebrate Juliette finding her boyfriend's "button" and "pushing it." Which I suppose means she had sex. Edda encourages Amos to imagine random adults they're looking at naked. So that's totally cool also. And finally we spend about ten solid minutes trying to figure out what "I'll just serve you a colossal jong-jong" means.

The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode:

Juliette teaches Edda about the necessity of being attractive and Edda expressing her complicated body dysmorphia ARE HERE.
A Sunday strip all about a dumb fly and Amos uncomfortably and repeatedly sniffing Edda ARE HERE.
Sophia Loren's "proud bosom," Juliette's inability to transform a man into a "gelatinous blob of slavering desire," and Amos showing his leg to some other boys ARE HERE.
Juliette talks to Edda about finding and pushing her boyfriend's button, Edda and Amos imagining adult strangers naked, and the famous colossal jong-jong ARE HERE.

This gelatinous, colossal episode includes:

  • 4th of July
  • Joey Chestnut
  • Eating harmonicas
  • Christmas
  • Free Will
  • Major League Eating
  • "76 Trombones" from The Music Man
  • Funnel Cakes
  • Pizza Hut P'Zone
  • Dutch ovens
  • Twinkies
  • International waters
  • Barbie dolls
  • Lauren Bacall
  • Muppets
  • Telly the Monster
  • Dorothy Hamill
  • Scent of a Woman and Al Pacino's catchphrase
  • Sophia Loren
  • Slavering
  • Imagining everyone naked
  • Fast Times at Ridgemont High
  • The Colossal Jong-Jong

Talk to Us!

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE