For some reason, Edda or Amos (here sometimes referred to as Edna and Otis) has gone through a wormhole and now Polly and Lolly are older. How much older? Well, we think The Master intended them to be some specific age (probably because he couldn't wait for them to reach the age of consent, because he is a monster), but the way they are drawn from strip to strip makes it impossible to tell what age that is. Are they supposed to be in their early 20s? Mid-40's? 30s? Also, is there a reason (other than poor execution of course) that they both now have black hair which is going gray? So very fucking weird. There seems to be no reason for Polly and Lolly to have "time traveled" from an "alternative reality" other than to come raid Edda's closet for dresses. (EDITOR'S NOTE: it's ALWAYS alternate reality, no one has ever said alternative reality...until now.) Of course, daughters wearing their mom's clothes is a regular thing in this strip and it ALWAYS makes the mom mad. For some fucking reason. There is so much creepiness and grossness here that it was upsetting for us, including (but not limited to) the strip about Polly and Lolly as children talking about how they enjoy watching their parents dream about having sex. So, yeah, totally normal shit going on here, guys. Look, on this episode, it probably seems like we're just jumping into the middle of an ongoing story while ignoring the necessary prelude. And in a way we are. But here's the thing: We go back and do the research and Ol' Bee Mac-El-Dee plopped us down here with no real explanation. Because he's Just. That. Good. There's a sequence a couple of weeks before this where Edda is launched off a swing into space, but that's as close to a logical explanation as you're ever going to get in this god-forsaken comic.
\n\nYou can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.
\n\nHaving trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE. And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage.
What better way to start the new year than to take a look at the first Chickweed Lanes of 2024? Well, I guess it might be better to NOT look at them at all. But that's really not on the table for us, now, is it? Please excuse Jeff sounding like he's broadcasting from inside a tin can. He was literally inside a tin can. Once again, get ready to enjoy some smooth jazz segues, because the technical problems again befall us. But we soldier on and find ourselves back in the world of ear-kissing and the familiar restaurant booths with seat-backs of varying heights (and nothing on the tables of course). Xiulan insists that her husband Hugh kiss Edda's ear, which he does without hesitation. Polly and Lolly practice piano, which for some fucking reason bothers Edda. There's more about kissing ears, then Amos decides to kiss Edda's neck, which is so very difficult what with all of the fucking turtlenecks everywhere. Then we end our episode with more Polly and Lolly. It's shocking (or is it?) that a random sampling of the first 8 strips from 2024 give us all of the things that are so tiresome and annoying about the strip. That, we suppose, is the genius of Brooke Mac-El-Dee.
\n\nYou can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.
\n\nHaving trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE. And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage.
After becoming convinced that Brooke Mac-El-Dee himself is listening to this podcast, we take a deep dive into his poor history with the ellipsis (and other punctuation). You see, in one strip, he makes a point of "educating" everyone about the use of an ellipsis. According to The Master, it is only used to indicated omitted words. And that is not only not true, it is also not how he has EVER used the ellipsis in his own work. In fact, we're not sure he has used it that way even once. So we go back through the strips we've already discussed and actually count the periods. (So many periods.) We also talk about a handful of strips where he "has fun" with punctuation with "hilarious" results. All in all, a fitting way to end the year.
\n\nYou can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.
\n\nHaving trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE. And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage.
It's the big day for Xiulan Ha'Penny Yuan and Hugh Portwhistle Godalming. For some reason, Xiulan has chosen Edda to be one of her two bridesmaids, because of course and why not? Look, Edda is a small part of a wedding that isn't her wedding, so naturally she's furious that someone else is getting all the attention. She has a plan to not only "go commando" underneath her cheongsam, but to "slink up the aisle like hookers short on crazy money." She thinks this would be a fun and funny thing to do at someone else's wedding. And I guess we are supposed to be charmed by this. Oh, that Edda! Typical Edda! What's not to love about her? Seth warns her and Ginger, Xiulan's friend and the other bridesmaid, not to do what they're planning, and Edda gets very mad about it. Xiulan yells at the two of them on the way down the aisle. Edda then sticks her tongue out at Seth, again, on the way down the aisle. Once at the altar, Hugh makes exclaiming "cor lumme" when he sees Xiulan. She makes fun of him for that. At the altar. But then tells him that she and her bridesmaids (who are sitting in the pews now?) are all going commando. They talk about this for a while. At the altar. Instead of getting the wedding going. The priest interrupts and then reveals he has also gone commando. We discover that other people have gone commando too. Then for some reason the priest gets mad about it.
\n\nYou can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here or on Instagram by clicking here.
\n\nHaving trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE. And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage.
Despite repeated mysterious technical difficulties, Brooke and Jeff persevered to bring you the 30th installment of this very important podcast. Was it worth all of the trouble? Of course the answer is no, probably not. But we begin with the aftermath of a date between Gil and Janice, the Nicolette Cignet photographer and Edda's friend and rival from the dance company we met way back in Episode 24: They Wanted You to Model Because of Sitzfleisch Allure. Gil is getting advice from Seth and Mark and tells them that he did not in fact bone Janice at the end of the date (which was their expectation), but instead kissed her on the left corner of her mouth. This move, according to Mark, is akin to "lighting a sensual fuse." Edda doesn't believe it, but Amos tries it and transports them to a series of famous romantic movies. First La Dolce Vita, then From Here to Eternity, Casablanca, It Happened One Night (which Jeff mistakenly places in 1939 instead of 1934, sorry!), before veering to North By Northwest and settling into the Tarzan canon. There are so many Tarzan strips, guys. It's all very, very stupid. But we soldiered on through multiple glitches and made it happen. Just for you! Also, Jeff tries really hard to explain Schrödinger's Cat to make a metaphorical point, only to fail in his explanation and then to fail to remember exactly why he was trying to make the point in the first place.
\n\nYou can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here or on Instagram by clicking here.
\n\nHaving trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
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Well, we've been gone for two months but we're back! And if you thought that this stupid comic strip wasn't still stupid, boy, are you in for a rude awakening! All the same old shit is still there: turtlenecks, Dutch angles, references to starlets of the '30s and '40s, no backgrounds, the McEldowney ellipsis! Oh, how did we survive all these weeks without these? Anyway, this stupid storyline is about Juliette and her boyfriend Elliott, whom everyone hates. (Including us!) One version of this story would be to say that he shows up to propose to her and ends up in the hospital. But it's all so fucking convoluted and the story changes with each new development. At first, Juliette is pretty confident that Elliott might pop the question, but she's not certain, so she wears a sexy dress to help him "pop." But later we discover that he proposes to her on a weekly basis. Then, we find out that the minute Elliott walked through the door, he inhaled a cough drop and needed medical attention. But later, we're told that he didn't inhale the cough drop until after she said yes. But even later, we're told that her dress caused him to have "an episode." And a doctor tells us that he inhaled a cough drop but then had an arrhythmia. Anyway, none of it makes any sense, especially the part where Elliott ends up in the ICU for more than a day. To confuse things even more, Brooke and Jeff talk about the ICU like it's the Emergency Room. But then again, that seems to be interchangeable with Brooke Mac-El-Dee as well. Later, a cat motorboats Juliette's boobs. And in the end, no one really gives a shit about what happened to Elliott because they're too busy talking about Juliette's dress. Spoiler alert: She's the sexiest person in the ICU and she loves it!
\n\nEdda and Juliette mention Jean Harlow, Juliette promises to make Elliott "pop," Elliott chokes on his cough drop, and a doctor stares at Juliette's boobs are here.
\nThe "lethal, shrink-wrap, halter-top gown," Edda getting mad because her gay roommate thinks her mom is sexier, and Juliette looking hot (and enjoying it) in the ICU are here.
\nA cat motorboats Juliette's boobs, Amos talks about his fetid corpse, and Elliott somehow on his deathbed are here.
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Inspired by the 4th of July (I guess), we go all the way back to the beginning and take a look at the very first Chickweed strips. Brooke Mac-El-Dee comes right out of the gate with Juliette talking with Edda about physical attractiveness and how that's very important to catch a man. Edda at this point is maybe 12, so this is a TOTALLY NORMAL AND APPROPRIATE conversation for a mother to have. But don't worry. Things get WAY MORE inappropriate pretty quickly. Isn't it comforting to know that this horrible comic strip was horrible in exactly the same ways from the beginning? Following up Juliette's lessons in female attractiveness, pre-teenage Edda already expresses what can only be described as Championship Level Body Dysmorphia. Classic Mac-El-Dee! There's a whole Sunday strip about a fly. Twelve-year-old Amos, who looks either drowned or electrocuted or both, spends an entire strip sniffing Edda...at her request of course. Sophia Loren's "bosom" is described as "proud." Edda shames her mother for not getting boned on a date. Then later the two of them celebrate Juliette finding her boyfriend's "button" and "pushing it." Which I suppose means she had sex. Edda encourages Amos to imagine random adults they're looking at naked. So that's totally cool also. And finally we spend about ten solid minutes trying to figure out what "I'll just serve you a colossal jong-jong" means.
\n\nJuliette teaches Edda about the necessity of being attractive and Edda expressing her complicated body dysmorphia ARE HERE.
\nA Sunday strip all about a dumb fly and Amos uncomfortably and repeatedly sniffing Edda ARE HERE.
\nSophia Loren's "proud bosom," Juliette's inability to transform a man into a "gelatinous blob of slavering desire," and Amos showing his leg to some other boys ARE HERE.
\nJuliette talks to Edda about finding and pushing her boyfriend's button, Edda and Amos imagining adult strangers naked, and the famous colossal jong-jong ARE HERE.
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We could not resist the gravitational pull of the international cello competition that Amos won. You remember it, right? He and Edda got caught on camera (by a news balloon of course) having sex and then people complained that the sex tape (which everyone in the world saw) gave Amos an unfair advantage. So now we dive into the aftermath. It's 20 strips this episode, sorry guys! It's a re-match between Amos and Xiulan Yuan, and the competition will happen behind a screen and the contestants will have to switch cellos. Because of course both of those things make sense. For no good reason at all, other than Brooke McEldowney's hatred of women maybe, Edda hates Xiulan and decides to be a racist right to her face. It's fine (and funny?) I guess because Xiulan doesn't speak English. The competition happens, behind the screen, in front of an audience who paid good money to look at a screen on a stage. Instead of feeling ripped off, the audience hears Amos's cello playing and starts fucking basically. Just like always. Even people listening on a streaming broadcast end up fucking. Amos wins, of course, although he appears bored to be there for the entirety of the run. To cap it off, two nuns scissor from the joy of it. Pretty fucking typical for this comic strip.
\n\nHeadlines explain the outrage, Juliette phones Edda in Brussels, and Amos switches cellos ARE HERE.
\nSeth wants Amos to "moitelize" Xiulan, Isabel Florin says an indecipherable four word phrase, and Edda quotes Rocky ARE HERE.
\nAmos wishes Xiulan luck, Edda is a racist, and Juliette wishes Seth wasn't gay ARE HERE.
\nAmos and Xiulan draw straws, Edda fogs up Amos's glasses, and we see a screen on a stage ARE HERE.
\nEdda plays the one-key piano filled with milk, Edda and Amos are overcome with the passion of playing, and we see their weird sex arms, too many of which are left arms ARE HERE.
\nEveryone listening starts fucking, second prize is awarded, and Edda flings her body toward a bored Amos ARE HERE.
\nAmos changes into a blue suit for the on-stage celebration and two nuns do it ARE HERE.
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Here we are introduced to 60-year-old Arthur Peel and his assistant Nan-Lin Peel (no relation), who is thirty years younger than him. Arthur excuses himself for being a disgusting old man, with a balding head, hair coming out of his ears and nose and eyebrows, wattles, and flapping flesh. These are his descriptions of himself, although Brooke Mac-El-Dee doesn't take the time to actually draw him that way. He is balding, but he has thin, very well groomed eyebrows, no visible wattles and few wrinkles to speak of. He repeats this stuff over and over to Nan-Lin, who seems bored and beaten down by his monologue. (You and us both, sister!) Of course, when Arthur adds that he is in love with her, this changes everything for Nan-Lin, who then literally crawls across a table to kiss him. Arthur, in typical Chickweed style, doesn't understand what's happening or that Nan-Lin wants his wrinkly and flapping Johnson. He looks terrified and concerned for all fourteen (yeah, sorry) of these strips. She even gets up on the table and presents her beave to him. Still, he doesn't fucking understand what's going on. Because...it's funny, I guess? Anyway, she eventually slides into his lap and then they disappear under the table. At this point, we discover that they are in a restaurant. The waiter arrives and is unfazed by their near-fucking in the booth. So much so, he takes their order, and then seats two other guests across from them. These guests, Seth and his boyfriend, don't notice that there's a couple moments away from intercourse across the booth from them. And they begin to make out too. At this point, both couples notice each other. Embarrassed (?) Arthur and Nan-Lin bolt from the restaurant, but not before Arthur gives the waiter a huge tip. The waiter then claims he's in love. Which must be a joke, but isn't funny really. And also makes no sense in any context provided. But what the fuck were we expecting anyway, right?
\n\nArthur talks about his wattles and flapping flesh, Arthur talks about his wattles and flapping flesh AGAIN, and Arthur talks about his wattles but NOT his flapping flesh ARE HERE.
\nNan-Lin presents her beave, Nan-Lin ends up in Arthur's lap, and Arthur and Nan-Lin end up lying down in a booth in a restaurant ARE HERE.
\nThe waiter arrives to take their order, Nan-Lin and Arthur hear the waiter but just keep dry humping, and the waiter seats another couple opposite them ARE HERE.
\nSeth and Mark immediately begin to make out, Seth and Mark notice Arthur and Nan-Lin, and the waiter insists on a big tip ARE HERE.
\nThe phrase "get a room" is uttered and the waiter falls in love with giant money ARE HERE.
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In this episode, we dive into Amos's subconscious, which is predictably icky. Amos describes a dream he had the previous night. He headlines it as a dream where Edda went to buy a car. But what the dream is really about is how the car salesman sexually assaulted her. So, at least we know where Amos's priorities lie. The Ol' Mac-El-Dee makes a big point of repeating (endlessly) that the salesman's name was "Wilkins or Fortescue," as if that is, by it's nature a very funny piece of business, which it is not. Also, and not for nothing, the salesman looks a lot, A LOT, like Amos. So I guess that's maybe the point? It's a rape fantasy that Amos is having? It's all filled with car-related double entendres, because of course it is. Edda assumes, from Amos's description that her dream self simply gave herself to the car salesman, which shows where her priorities lie, I guess. Amos spends most of the dream choosing tea at Zabar's. As if that's a great place to choose tea. But then he rushes in to save her. I mean, not "rushes in," per se. He had to choose his fucking tea first. But he enters the dealership and pushes the salesman "onto his beezer." Whatever the fuck that means. In the end, Edda gets turned on by Amos and, while they're walking down the street, throws her vagina at his face. Seriously. Wait till you see the picture. It's fucking ridiculous. Also impossible.
\n\nWilkins or Fortescue descends on Edda and Amos chooses his tea at Zabar's are right here.
\nAmos pushes Wilkins or Forescue onto his beezer, Earl Grey keeps his secrets, and the Mac-El-Dee Walkin' C are right here.
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Edda's modeling career begins when a scout for the famous designer Nicolette Cignet picks Edda from everyone else in her dance company because of her nice butt. Only, Brooke Mac-El-Dee never says "nice butt," he prefers to say "caboose" over and over and over, with a brief digression to "sitzfleisch" from Amos. The twist is that they only want Edda for her butt and they want Janice to be the face. So, even though it makes zero sense, they'll use both of them: Janice's face and Edda's butt. There is no exploration of whose midriff and boobs will make the cut. Which, frankly, is a little surprising. Edda is angry to find out she's Janice's butt double. But showbiz is showbiz, right? The lone photographer sent to shoot this very important ad campaign takes his photos. They are terrible. Along the way, we are subjected to "undie-carriage," "golden hind," "sealing the deal," and "licking their chops." It's super gross. Edda ends up angry about butts, which takes us back around to one of the Thanksgiving strips we looked at, and helps us put in context why Edda was so mad about people saying "butt" all around her.
\n\nEdda finds out the Nicolette Cignet people want to talk to her, Seth throws shade at Edda for it, and Seth goes out of his way to use "terpsichorean" are here.
\nAmos says "sitzfleisch" for no good reason, Edda and Janice find out they're both there for the job, and Edda and Janice shit talk each other's butts are here.
\nEdda finds out she's Janice's butt double, Gil explains why the Nicolette Cignet logo can't be seen on a small butt, and Gil sprays Janice with oil and water are here.
\nGil takes his questionable photos, Edda and Janice talk about ballet being hard, and the truly terrible photo campaign are here.
\nWe're introduced to the phrase "undie-carriage" and Edda goes on her Thanksgiving Butt Walk are here.
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After Edda "cures" Amos's hiccups, he takes the stage, first without his cello (hilarious!) and then with it. His performance, which is of course watched via satellite by all of his family and friends, inspires so much passion, that Juliette fucks Elliott on the couch right next to Nan. It also inspires Isabel to have sex with her boyfriend and Seth to make up with Mark, who appears here as a doll or small child. Amos finishes his performance and everyone there loses their minds, throwing their programs in the air and then roses at Amos and Edda. Naturally, the judges unanimously award the grand prize to Amos, who honestly looks like he doesn't give a shit and would rather be anywhere else but there. The victory is short-lived because of the sex tape that everyone saw. You know, because that caused an unfair advantage. Amos asks for another juried performance and then fucks Edda at the press conference. And that's where we leave Brussels, because this just goes on and on and we've truly had enough. (Part 3 of 3)
\n\nTwo Belgian perverts listen to Amos & Edda have sex, Amos & Edda finish having sex, Amos forgets his cello, then Amos forgets he's at a competition are here.
\nAmos & Edda begin their performance, the audience falls in love, Juliette & Elliott have sex next to Gran, and Isabel accosts her boyfriend are here.
\nSeth reunites with Mark, the audience throws their programs, the audience throws roses, and Amos gives Edda a rose are here.
\nBrooke Mac-El-Dee makes an ellipsis joke, Edda floats up to heaven, Amos and Edda get a phone call, and Edda finally has to tell Amos about the sex tape are here.
\nAmos doesn't care about the sex tape and Amos & Edda have sex at a press conference are here.
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The world watched Amos and Edda have sex, thanks to a Belgian breaking news balloon, the kind of balloon that floats through the city of Brussels, filled with at least 10 reporters looking for news stories. And part of how they look for news, we guess, is to peep through windows of buildings and film people without their permission. Seems totally cool. But maybe that's just how "European" they are, and we're all a bunch of American yahoos. Whatever the case, the video (or film as Brooke Mac-El-D prefers to call it) becomes a sensation on the internet. But before that, Juliette, Seth, and some lady named Isabel all see the video/film of Amos and Edda fucking on a piano in a rehearsal space, thanks to the peeping reporters on the news balloon that somehow hovered outside their window for the entirety of their tryst. Edda sees the video/film on her laptop, but keeps Amos from viewing it or even knowing about it. So he is pretty confused when they're on the streets of Brussels and everyone they pass, literally everyone, is craning their necks to look at them. And by craning their necks we mean turning their heads literally completely around. The venue is packed, not "standing room only" as one would normally say, but "crammed to the exit signs." Sure. Amos gets nervous, gets the hiccups, and Edda gives him a look that says, "let's fuck," even though he is five minutes from taking the stage. And that's where we end this episode. (Part 2 of 3)
\n\nJuliette picks up the satellite broadcast from Brussels, tells Edda about it, and Edda is pleased Isabel has seen it are here.
\nEdda talks to Seth and then hides the video from Amos are here.
\nAll of Brussels stares at Edda and Amos gets the hiccups again are here.
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Buckle up for another epic run of this guy's fucking garbage. We start looking at the story of Amos and Edda finally doing it in Brussels during a cello competition. It begins with Edda making a move on Amos which causes him to have the hiccups, which results in Amos wanting to go home. But Edda claims she has a cure, which is (of course) fucking. As soon as they've done the deed, Edda gets on the phone back home to tell her mom that, yes, she used the same "hiccup cure" that Juliette did when Juliette first humped Elliott. Because of COURSE the women had to be the instigators and the men had to be uncertain, terrified idiots about sex. Amos and Edda can't keep their hands off each other, which means that Amos pins Edda (very uncomfortably) against a piano. This embrace is viewed by a hot air balloon filled with tourists? Prisoners of war? News reporters? It is so very unclear who the people are and why they're in a hot air balloon floating through downtown Brussels. But why should anything ever make sense in this fucking strip? Why? (Part 1 of 3)
\n\nThe ones where Edda comes on so strongly, Amos has hiccups, but she has a cure are here.
\nThe ones where Edda tells Juliette about fucking Amos, then Edda and Amos make out while rehearsing are here.
\nThe ones with the inexplicable spy balloon are here.
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It's our first podcast of 2023! And we're so happy to discover that this strip still makes no goddamned sense at all. We begin our twelve-strip journey (yes! twelve!) with a customer service rep responding to texts from what turns out to be Thorax. Thorax is looking for overalls in XXXXL-Tall, so naturally his path to purchasing said clothing begins with texting a customer service person. And once he finds out it's a lady -- with the doubly unlikely name of Verity Dupee -- Thorax begins his harrassment. We're sorry, we totally mean romance. Romance as defined by Brooke McEldowney. Verity seems totally annoyed wiht Thorax. Who wouldn't be? But in the end she quits her job and travels to New Hampshire to hand deliver the overalls to Thorax, because she's in love with him. Right up until he tells her he's from another planet.
\n\nThorax's romance/stalking of Verity Dupee begins right here.
\nVerity DEFINITELY seems like she might call the cops on Thorax right here.
\nFor some reason, Verity is charmed by Thorax and visits him in New Hampshire right here.
\nVerity is ready to get it on with Thorax but he ruins it by saying he's from another planet right here.
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It's our last podcast of 2022! So to celebrate the holidays, we focus on Christmas this episode. Despite striking out at Halloween and Thanksgiving, we give the holidays another shot and take a look to see if Brooke McEldowney has anything joyful or celebratory to say about Christmas. The answer is, of course, mostly no. We're exposed to a very weird "pickle leg," an inappropriately sexy ballet Santa, Edda's sexy knees, and there's even a fun Hitchcockian cameo from McEldowney himself. By "fun," we mean very, very confusing. Ultimately, Amos and Edda show us they have some serious Santa cosplay kink that they can't resist the gravitational pull of, even when their bedraggled-looking twins are nearby. Our exploration ends with McEldowney saying (through Edda) "God bless cartoonists." Because of course he does. It's just like the end of_** A Christmas Carol**_, only if Dickens was a pompous asshole. Which is our way of saying, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! We'll see you in 2023!
\n\nEdda dances, Seth becomes Sexy Santa, and Edda has sexy knees are here.
\nSeth's roommate hits on Edda and barfs and Brooke McEldowney makes an appearance are here.
\nAmos fucks pregnant Santa and Polly & Lolly hate Christmas are here.
\nAnd the world's most dismal White Christmas is here.
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\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
We flash back to World War II and immediately find ourselves dealing with two naked people in a...pond? ...a lake? ...a magical puddle? It's very unclear what kind of body of water. Anyway, the skinny-dippers are confronted with Nazis. We don't really know who we're dealing with at first. But the lady scares off some Nazis with her "terrifying downstairs business." We later discover that these mysterious people are Bill O'Malley, Juliette's stepfather, and Martine Clocqueur. Naturally, Martine is a beautiful double agent. We're just surprised she's not also a talented singer, dancer, or musician. Bill has a head wound which has resulted in amnesia. But when he and Martine make out, under the water of course, he remembers kissing someone else. That person is Edna, Juliette's mom, who is also a spy. Who isn't? Apparently Bill promised to get engaged with Edna after the war. Martine isn't so concerned about that because it's wartime and during wartime "everything we hold honorable has to be cured in salt and sliced very thin." Like that's a famous saying or something, which it isn't. What she means is that it's totally cool for them to have sex because it's war and, you know, only wartime rules apply. It's a little surprising that we don't see them doing it, all things considered, but she does press her "upsetting business" up against him a lot in that pond/lake/puddle.
\n\nThe "back-up beave" is introduced, the Nazis cavort away, and Billy thinks about Martine's "downstairs business" are here.
\nBilly and Martine make out under the water, Billy remembers Edna (or has his penis eaten by fish), Martine recommends they have sex despite Edna are here.
\nMartine throws herself at Billy and then slices all honorable things paper thin are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
If there was even a moment that you thought Brooke McEldowney wasn't a weirdo, we offer up this six-pack of excursions into the world of Edda's "toe cleavage." It starts off super-weird, with Edda sitting on the sidewalk so Amos can gawk at her feet. After thirty years of knowing each other, this toe cleavage thing comes as a surprise to Edda, because that totally makes as much sense as anything else in this strip. A cop threatens to take them in, and eventually someone files a court order against Amos to keep him from publicly lavishing affection on Edda's toes. It does NOT stop him from gawking at them in front of his children, however. So that's cool. Finally, when the kids are asleep, Amos asks permission, but somehow the thrill is gone for Edda. In other words, just a normal week in this godforsaken comic.
\n\nAmos gawks, then a cop shows up, then a cop admires Edda's toes too right here.
\nStrangers witness Amos's fetish, his children witness his fetish, and Edda is no longer interested in his fetish are right here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
Neither of us was ready for Brooke McEldowney to introduce us to a filthy sock puppet named Sphinxter. But he did it anyway. Here, Sphinxter takes on internet trolls, or as McEldowney calls them, "anonymous onliners." If you're wondering if Sphinxter has a literal butthole for a mouth, he does. And we see it A LOT. In the end, McEldowney claims victory over the trolls and throws Sphinxter away. It's super fun!
\n\nSphinxter gets introduced, states his thesis, and accosts Juliette & Elliott on the street right here.
\nSphinxter uses a typewriter to address internet trolls, Juliette attacks Sphinxter, and then throws him away right here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
To celebrate Thanksgiving, we check out a handful of strips that ran on Thanksgivings in the past. Naturally, Brooke McEldowney wants NOTHING to do with such a common holiday. So we have to find our own way to give thanks for Juliette burning her old Daisy Dukes, Rita Hayworth throwing hot dogs at virgins, Edda getting furious at a butt of Malmsey, Amos & Edda ogling a mystery woman together, and a character we've never seen before attempting to jump off a diving board while giving a piggy-back ride to another character we've never seen before. But the real thing to give thanks for might be our conversation about vampires and how the rules of vampires make Brooke (Dillman) absolutely furious.
\n\nJuliette burns her Daisy Dukes, Rita Hayworth throws some hot dogs around, and Edda hears "butt" everywhere are here.
\nEdda & Amos stare at some lady's bazongas and the nude diving board shenanigans are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
Of course, one episode devoted to the imaginary sex rabbit McTwo could never be enough, right? So we spend another day exploring the world of McTwo. This time, we stay primarily in Juliette & Elliott's bedroom, but that doesn't mean the psychological landscape is any simpler. Far from it. There is such outlandish punctuation abuse, it nearly defies belief. But Brooke McEldowney does in fact use over 100 periods IN ONE WORD BUBBLE. Then McTwo joins Juliette & Elliott in their bed, which Juliette finds disconcerting at first but then -- we guess? -- a turn on? Ultimately, we end where we began last episode, specifically, with Juliette angrily "fluffing her pillow." I wish that was slang for something other than punching her pillow, I really do.
\n\nJuliette is annoyed with Elliott, Elliott conjures McTwo, and McTwo insults Juliette are here.
\nMad Juliette, horny Juliette, and mad (post-coital) Juliette are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
So, there's this giant white rabbit named McTwo. He's imaginary and he only shows up during sex. Seems like it was Juliette's burden to carry originally, but lately McTwo has branched out to watch Edda & Amos. But then we discover that he's apparently doing something more than just watching, because he creates a stain on a couch that Edda & Amos can see. So can Edda's roommate Seth, who is so disgusted by it that he literally barfs. First the stain is described as "marks," then a "spot," then a "blotch" that grows in size to resemble Maine. (I wish I was making up some part of this, but I'm not.) McTwo explains that it's "ectoplasm" and it always looks like Maine. McTwo asks Juliette and Edda to join him saying the antiquated and pointless word "floccinaucinihilipilification." Then the three of them sing a barbershop quartet song together. Yes. The three of them sing four-part harmony. We try to make sense of it all, as is our job. But, wow, this bunch of comic strips is A LOT.
\n\nThe fun begins with angry Juliette right here.
\nThe "marks," the "spot," and the "blotch" are here.
\nThat big dumb word, the singing, and the confusing ending are here.
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\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
Brooke McEldowney tells us everything he knows about conception and pregnancy. It's not clear that he understands how any of the experience, especially for the woman, really works. We begin with Juliette showing Edda a useless pamphlet that attempts to explain sex. The very same pamphlet her mother showed her and was not useful to her. Amos & Edda talk about their two possible strategies for conception, both of which sound terrible. Edda claims to wear a string bikini for the first time as a "last hurrah" (?) before her body gets super gross because of pregnancy. Amos has sex with Edda while she's pregnant and they both need reassurance that it was okay. Amos speculates about that inevitable time when their kids will imagine him and Edda fucking. Oh yeah, he also then thinks about Juliette having sex to get pregnant with Edda. And apparently it's something he does A LOT. In a Sunday comic, Edda says "whoops" for reasons we're still not certain about. Then there's a whole nursing thing that's also super gross.
\n\nThe useless sex pamphlet, the bombing raids, and the string bikini are here.
\nThe "coal to Newcastle" sex, Amos imagining Juliette having sex, and the gross nursing are here.
\nThe big Sunday comic with the unexplainable "whoops" is here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
Foolishly, I suppose, we thought FOR SURE Brooke McEldowney would make some reference to Halloween in his strip over the years. At the very least, we were expecting the female characters to be dressed as sexy somethings -- painters? pilots? poop emojis? -- but McEldowney gave us nothing. So we soldiered on and explored a half dozen or so strips that ran on Halloween. Edda writes an incomprehensible sentence on the chalkboard. Thorax either milks a cow or breaks up with it. Both seem equally possible. Edda finds some confidence only to have a friend tell her to "drop dead." A former nun (Diane) and Catholic priest (Francis) get married, which fogs up another nun's glasses. Thorax becomes "shadow president" and for some reason a chicken reads three teleprompters that all say "cluck." Amos & Edda's relationship is tested when Amos accidentally kisses Xiulan, a fellow cellist who is also a pilot, because of course she is. Finally, Edda does a solo ballet dance that's interrupted by a dog putting his nose in her butt. Mostly, we end up spending a lot of time at an insufferable dinner party with Brooke McEldowney.
\n\nThe vexing chalkboard, magnificent cow, and Drop Dead Janice are here.
\nThe nun with the boob-eyes, the Shadow President, and Xiulan's damp kiss are here.
\nThe dog nose in the butthole is here.
Nam myoho renge kyo for 15 minutes.
\nNot a sexy poop emoji costume, but a sexy pope costume.
\nDoes this comic strip pass The Bechdel Test? Probably not.
\nFor context, this is Caligula.
\nA moment from To Have and Have Not.
\n"Knock Three Times" by Tony Orlando & Dawn.
\nThe Showgirls pool sex scene. It is very NSFW. Skip to 2:15 for the splashiest part.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
So there's this whole string of strips where people send off, basically, angry "letters to the editor." Only in this case, it's people or entities that our beloved (?) Chickweed residents have had enough of. Juliette gets mad at the health care system and as a result shoots her computer full of arrows. Someone gets an "unsolicited letter" and throws their computer out of the window. Or the person sending the "unsolicited letter" throws the computer out the window. Or an unrelated person throws a computer out a window. Guys, it's not clear what's going on AT ALL in one of these comic strips. Amos shows what a super cool guy he is by showing he'd rather barf on his own computer than talk to children about what it's like to play in an orchestra. Thorax licks his computer. Why? Seriously? Why does anyone in this strip do ANYTHING? Juliette's husband moons his computer. And finally, Amos & Edda make out near their computer. The letters (and the reasons behind writing them) don't ever really make sense. We hate to be the ones to break this to Brooke McEldowney, but things that you do in front of your computer or to your computer aren't automatically conveyed through your computer to the recipient, at least not when you're typing. Anyway, one of these strips makes us so angry we can barely contain ourselves. All in all, totally worth it!
\n\nThe computer shot with arrows and the computer thrown out the window are here.
\nBarfing and licking can be found here.
\nMooning and making out are here.
How gelatin is made.
\nHow maraschino cherries are made.
\nThe Castle of Aarrrrgghhhhh!
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\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
So, the government really did bug Edda's bikini bottoms. And her response to that is to dangle her recently removed bikini from a window to confuse the agents of the Creepy National Furtiveness Agency (you know, the CNFA). Somehow, Edda knows to lower the bikini bottom down to the open window (she knows it's open somehow?) where two children are talking about inflatable office buildings. As if "inflatable office building" is a toy that children can buy and/or would be interested in for some reason. The children talking about "blowing up" these inflatable buildings convinces the CNFA that actual buildings are being exploded. So they arrest Amos & Edda (hooray!) only to let them go immediately (boo!). They explain that they overheard the plot on Edda's bugged bikini bottom. Edda, wearing a dress, explains that she is not in fact wearing her bikini bottom under her dress. Because that is something that needs to be clarified. Edda talking about not wearing her bikini bottom convinces the CNFA agents that she's likely not wearing underwear, I guess. So it short circuits their brains, because that's what women talking about undergarments does to men ALWAYS. Edda & Amos leave the short-circuited agents in their apartment and go to dinner. And at dinner, Edda tells Amos she's not wearing her bikini bottom and that short-circuits him too. Because men are incapable of hearing about undergarments without being paralyzed. Fun stuff! (Part 2 of 2)
\n\nPrince Valiant and the Hyena Girl examine the inflatable office buildings here.
\nThings escalate and Edda & Amos are arrested here.
\nAdult human men are incapacitated when a woman speaks about her undergarments here.
The best of the Swedish Chef.
\nIf you want to read the Brooke McEldowney interview, you can't claim you weren't warned.
\n"As Time Goes By" from Casablanca
\nBathe in the magnificence of the Prince Valiant haircut.
\nWhat exactly is a Gorgon?
\nIs a dominatrix always a sexual thing? I mean, not necessarily, but also yes, probably?
\nThat Old Black Magic
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
Just another day in the life of Edda & Amos Van Hoesen, when a simple trip to the pool ends up with Edda hanging by a thread. A rope? A wire? Look, we don't know. She jumps off a diving board with SOMETHING attached to her bikini bottom and she ends up hanging there for about a week's worth of comics. Amos speculates that it has to do with government surveillance, that someone planted a bug in her bikini bottom. We are not making this up. This is what he says. And so we spend all week on this topic. Sure, sure, there's a brief moment where Amos gets a boner. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES! But does he ever make even the slightest attempt to help Edda down? OF COURSE NOT. He just continues to stare at her like a big dumb idiot. The biggest surprise is that he wasn't just making a goofy "joke" about her bikini being under surveillance. Nope, that's really what's happening. A government agency has put a bug in Edda's bikini bottom, and there's a (roughly) 200-foot cord attached that she somehow didn't notice. For reals. Yeah. We know. It's...it's something. (Part 1 of 2)
\n\nThe bugged bikini saga begins here.
\nEdda wriggles out of her bikini here.
\nAnd we visit the horrible blog cafe and finally see the government agents right here.
"At Seventeen" by Janis Ian
\n"I must think of a brick wall."
\nShere Khan in the original Jungle Book.
\nHere's a little taste of Wrecked.
\nRecording sound for the first time in Singin' in the Rain.
\nIn case you have a hunger to "dine on words."
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
In order to fully understand the courtship of Fleurrie & Sven Spocket, we dive into an epic 10-strip sequence. Do we also talk about a handful of strips that we're not supposed to be talking about? Of course we do. Is their "romance" as disgusting and needlessly horny as we expected? Sadly, it is even more so. Yeah. We weren't happy about that either. Speaking of not happy, Brooke promised Jeff "4 or maybe 5" comic strips and then brought TEN to the table, making Jeff angry before he even looked at a single panel. Of course, Sven is slightly clueless about Fleurrie's intentions, because he's a male character in this godforsaken comic strip. But it's more than that. We discover that Sven is also a virgin who has been saving himself for his wedding night. We revisit Brooke McEldowney's habit of referring to sexual inexperience as a "new car smell." Which is so very, very gross. Only this time, it's a woman saying it about a man! So...hooray for equality? We don't subject you to the wedding, but we do dive into the honeymoon. Which is gross. Because: What else would it be?! Is there a strip that basically shows Fleurrie & Sven fucking? Like actually in the middle of fucking? You bet! It's supposed to be romantic, but it's obvious that Sven would prefer the company of livestock.
\n\nThe first two are here.
\nThe boner trilogy can be viewed here.
\nDumb Sven on his wedding night is here.
\nThe fucking and the weird aftermath are here.
The Girl From Ipanema
\nPaul Lynde on Hollywood Squares.
\nAn actual Australian accent.
\n"Another One Bites the Dust"
\nHow to carry livestock.
\nThe Dutch Angle is only ever used to show that something is wrong.
\nThe best of Gadget Hackwrench.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
A few listeners had questions and comments, which led us to a week's worth of very confusing strips, even by this ridiculous comic's standard. Our goal was to answer their questions about what in the specific fuck was going on. There was a question about swings, and why the characters were on swings, and how old were they exactly, and also, seriously, what the fuck is up with this goddamned strip. Seriously. How do you go from a standstill in one panel to nearly flying off the swings in the next? But let's backtrack to the beginning of this story, a couple days earlier, where World's Most Romantic Couple are drawn as Hobbit-sized children, and they speak only of how they will have babies later. This leads us to our introduction to Edda's mother Juliette, who is infuriated (?) to hear that her daughter and her daughter's friend are discussing having babies at whatever age or ages they're currently portrayed at. Five? Eleven? Fifteen? Your guess is as good as ours. Is a conversation between two children about possibly having children when they get older awkward and gross? What? Are you new here? Of course it is!
\n\nThe first three are here.
\nThe last three are here.
"All I Ask of You"
\nDorf on Golf
\nThe correct pronunciation of "orangutan."
\nRotary phones for sale.
\nTelephone dialer
\nHow does RADAR work?
\nThe poetry of Robert Krut.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
How do we decide which strips to look at each episode? Brooke uses a very scientific "process of rage." And so this episode we focus on talking about Edda & Amos, the most romantic and perfect couple the modern world has ever seen. What evidence is there of their amazing relationship? Well, Amos goes out of his way to make a terrible pun and Edda either punches him or hip-checks him out of the strip. (Who can tell which? Not us, for sure!) Not for good, unfortunately. Edda also gets sexy for Amos, who is obviously too stupid to pick up on simple cues like lingerie. I mean, he's a real idiot. It nearly makes Jeff lose his mind. In a special Sunday edition, Amos's sexual petulance finds a new level, inspiring Edda to (apparently) put his entire ear in her mouth. We are apparently to believe that Amos and Edda are NOT doing it doggy style on a dock. Yeah yeah, sure sure, it's just accidental that they're drawn that way. Finally, their newborn twins, Polly and Lolly (lord help us), use their powers of mental telepathy to discuss Amos and Edda's sex life. It's totally cool, guys. Very, VERY cool.
\n\nThe first two are here.
\nThe big Sunday strip is here.
\nThe last two are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
This episode, Brooke brings four completely wordless 9 Chickweed Lane strips to the podcast. Would words have helped some of these strips? I think we all know the answer to that is: Probably not. We discover that Go Comics has three separate sections of this god-forsaken comic: 9 Chickweed Lane, 9 Chickweed Lane Classics, and Staff Favorites. From the Classics category, we see Edda dancing and Edda watching Edda dancing, if that makes any sense. Chances are it doesn't, which is totally on-brand. McEldowney's (almost certain) nudism is again discussed. Sven & Fleurette "Fleurry" Spocket are introduced, along with their calf, who is either their pet or lover. Both? Edda confuses a mysterious dog for her husband Amos. And finally, Edda dives into a pool for reasons that you seriously will not believe. We discover that Brooke (Dillman, not McEldowney) would forgive this comic strip if only every installment ended with a picture of a dog covering his eyes with a paw out of embarrassment.
\n\nThe first three are here.
\nThe big Sunday strip is here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
Our long-awaited first episode! Is it the dumbest idea for a podcast? Probably!
\n\nWe talk about our least favorite newspaper comic strip, 9 Chickweed Lane, written and drawn by Brooke (no relation) McEldowney. We kick this journey of rage off with the romance (?) of Thorax and Esme. According to Wikipedia, Thorax is an amiable elderly farmer, who is "brilliant and odd beyond all description." He also appears to be anwhere between 90 and 100 years old. The object of his affection is Esme, a policewoman who is definitely in her 30s. In this first part (of three), Thorax introduces himself to Esme and has a lengthy conversation with himself through a typewriter. It ends with a sigh and a cliffhanger. Which seems an impossible combination, but here we are.
\n\nThe first three are here.
\nThe last two are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
In part two of this three-part horror-fest, we continue to follow the romance (we guess?) of Thorax and Esme. We admit to Brooke McEldowney that we probably just don't get his very, very smart comic strip. Brooke (Dillman, not McEldowney) invents a new word while describing Esme's sudden and aggressive seduction of Thorax, which includes (of course) uncomfortable double entendre, sexy (?) grammar wordplay, and hilarious airport metaphors. Esme kisses Thorax A LOT. But he does nothing, until the very end, when he magically (?) does something very, VERY upsetting. At least to us. It probably gave ol' B. McE a boner. You know what? There's no probably about it. We also explore our theory that McEldowney is a weird college professor/nudist.
\n\n(One caveat, we're not super tech smart. And as we've begun this podcast, we've had some glitches to deal with. Please bear with us for the occasional audio weirdness. Thanks!)
\n\nThe first three are here.
\nThe last two are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE
In the final part of this three-part horror-fest, we explore the romance (???) of Thorax and Esme. It's been an epic story arc. We recap our journey so far. And eventually end up walking into the ocean along with our May-December (of the following year) couple. Along the way, we awkwardly use the phrase "booty call," investigate Thorax's "bad touch" area, are mystified by hats, welcome a suddenly homicidal E.T. to our podcast, and watch Thorax finally clue into the fact that Esme likes him, which sends him (literally?) over the moon. If only it really happened. We also have to suffer through more of Brooke McEldowney's annoyingly florid dialog. Of course we do, because when don't we? It's fun to discover the new ways that Esme shows her love this episode, which includes romantic gunplay and farting.
\n\n(One caveat, we're not tech geniuses. And as we've recorded this podcast, we've had some glitches to deal with. Please bear with us for the occasional audio weirdness. We promise that they clear up. Eventually. Thanks!)
\n\nThe first three are here.
\nThe next two are here.
\nThe last two are here.
Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to?
\nWe're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE